It is amazing the changes one can go through in a year, or even in a month or a minute. Life is never boring! My personal world has been turned on end the last two years. I thought some of the changes that went before it were life changing; I had no idea that when the person you love more than life walks away it would make you wonder what you were here, on the planet for. I've had to re-evaluate my whole life, walk with God, relationship with my blood family, my friends, and find who really was for me and who wasn't, who I could talk to, and who not to. I prayed my whole life for someone who would love me for me, regardless of my weaknesses and imperfections, despite mid-life crisis, menopause, moodiness and the whole nine yards and I would do the same for her. Someone with who I had this marvelous synergy and spiritual connection that was clearly supernatural. Well, I found her, or shall I say she found me, sought me, wanted me. I was nearly fifty years old, and had waited almost half of my 120. It was wonderful, crazy, hell at times, but still wonderful. There were problems, like any relationship, and family. The economy did its little number on us, and health issues, and our flesh at times got in the way, but I thought we were good, I thought we'd be alright. I had this paradigm that was all wrong. I kept looking at everything as good or bad, and when stuff kept happening, I kept seeing it as all bad, not just stuff that happens, and how I respond is what makes it good or bad. I had a choice to call it good, and as long as we had each other and God we'd be okay, or I could call it bad and bug. Sadly, that's what I did. But, I'm a dreamer,  I'm Joseph in the dungeon waiting for her to remember me. I'm Jacob wrestling with God, begging Him to bless me again, and even if she's got issues and I've got issues, please give me my Rachel (Natalie). Miracles still happen I believe. Love like ours doesn't come along every day. Wonder Woman still needs her Superwoman! Without her all the world is my kryptonite, and I'm powerless. We have shit to do, and its hard to do it without her. I keep trying to write and minister. She's so incredible, and the call on her life is even stronger than mine. My heart is unchanged, I will love her forever. If you see her will you tell her I need her, my heart has lost its home?