It's almost the New Year and I have decided to enter this one differently than past years. I've decided to enter with not regrets. Six years ago when I came out to the world, and entered one of the happiest times of my life, many things imploded too shortly thereafter. I never knew if one caused or effected the other or not, but at this point that doesn't matter. My upbringing was with two very good, hardworking parents, but both were not warm and fuzzy; they didn't have it, so didn't know how to give it. We just knew they provided necessities, and at least once in our lifetime, we maybe told, more likely in a birthday card we were loved. It was just something we knew. It became clearer and spoken more often when Momma died, and certainly after Grandma did.

Let me not get too side-tracked backtracking. I digress. When love came to me 6 Christmases ago, my life began. Times became interesting, and I definitely needed a learning curve during the accompanying hard financial times and changes that came with it, but life doesn't always give us that.

So its time to see what the New Year has in store. There are great things that I know that God has for me to do and I've been doing part of it through the holidays with LOVE NOW Ministries feeding needy families and taking toys to needy kids. I love it, and count it a privilege to be able to help anyone with what God supplies through the generosity of others.

Change should never be an intimidating word, because it also means growth. I'm ready for growth. I hold tightly to people and things that are loved, but I invite growth, I have learned not to resist it, change really can be a friend. Take Care and Happy New Year!

These are the musings of someone (me) who has always been very passionate about the people and things I'm committed to. That will never change. I will not apologize for loving, ever! As for my life and future and the future of LOVE NOW Ministries, Intl., I and it will continue to help needy people wherever, however, regardless of race, gender, religion or orientation. That's what LOVE NOW is and has always been about. People who need help, if they are anything like me, wait till their back is against the wall before they start asking for assistance, so when they do finally ask, they don't want promises, they may appreciate prayer, but they need and want help NOW, they need LOVE NOW.

I am a miracle many times over from my birth to now, like a cat with nine lives or more, I have at least been spared more than once, if you know me, you know how true that statement is. I love God and clearly I have love one woman, and my kids, grandkids, and my family and friends very deeply. If God has mercy I will love again, but life is still good, God is still and always be good!

These verses in Hebrews have been a strength to me. They are a reminder that God is faithful and we can't give up when things get hard. Try not to murmur, try to count your blessings, try to tell the people you love that they are special everyday, and don't ever stop loving, Truly LOVE ALWAYS WINS!

Hebrews 10:32-39

The Message (MSG)

^32-39 Remember those early days after you first saw the light? Those were the hard times! Kicked around in public, targets of every kind of abuse—some days it was you, other days your friends. If some friends went to prison, you stuck by them. If some enemies broke in and seized your goods, you let them go with a smile, knowing they couldn’t touch your real treasure. Nothing they did bothered you, nothing set you back. So don’t throw it all away now. You were sure of yourselves then. It’s still a sure thing! But you need to stick it out, staying with God’s plan so you’ll be there for the promised completion.

It won’t be long now, He’s on the way;
    He’ll show up most any minute.
But anyone who is right with me thrives on loyal trust;
    if he cuts and runs, I won’t be very happy.

But we’re not quitters who lose out. Oh, no! We’ll stay with it and survive, trusting all the way.

Have a Wonderful, Hope-filled, Merry Christmas!

Keep hoping we're okay, but not so, just the same at sunset as as sunrise, no you. Keep praying and hoping; I didn't love another or try, I just want you, and just wanted you to come for me. I look for you everyday awake or asleep, believing that one more time you'll find me worthy of love and friendship. So I sit here and hold vigil with Auntie & Greg, Pappy, Day Day and Skin; see I lost them too because they were part of you, even Momma knew how much I love you, I'll never be through. Whenever you're interred, they can bring my rusty bones, you were the only place that felt like home, been a dead man walking, because I died the day you left.

I'm sitting here contemplating how LOVE becomes so complicated. In the beginning God wanted to share all the amazing things He made so much He created Himself a companion, a man called Adam. He gave Adam the power to call everything he made whatever he wanted; a giraffe, a kangaroo, whatever he called it God called it. He put Adam in the God class by giving him a free will and eternal life, and the power to create with His words. He did not, however, make Adam part of the Godhead (Tri-unity/Trinity), he was fallible, and because he was human and not God he was subject to temptation and emotion in a way God never was. God realized that it wasn't good for him to be the lone human on the earth, so he created a human companion that could be his friend, and so that he could pro-create and replenish the earth, God created Eve.

God knew He had everything under control, and as long as Adam and Eve held onto that fact and spoke what He said when He created everything He created with His words and said it was good, then it would be. He also knew if they ate from the Tree of the Knowledge of God and Evil, they would begin to see things differently. There would no longer be an ultimate good or learning and growth process from all things, but things would be categorized as good or bad, and thus embraced or rejected as a whole. Sadly, Adam ate from the Tree, and then convinced Eve to also, they do say, "misery loves company". At that they were both beguiled to see things from a new paradigm as good or bad, and so death entered in which made it hard to reverse bad things or gain anything from them, or even learn to be thankful for God's sustaining through them because the focus was shifted from Him to how bad things were. That was why He didn't want them to eat from that blasted tree!!!

I must admit that I fell victim to the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil a few years ago. About the time the economy took a downturn, I was let go from a job I'd been at for several years, then my partner went through a couple layoffs, but then went back to work, but it was hard for a while. We lost our house after living in it ten years, and our vehicle. I flipped out, I got depressed, I forgot God was in control. Worse yet I stop listening like I should have to her. OMG!!! This woman I adore, I prayed for, and I stopped hearing her and God.

You know Jesus came to walk here in human form to understand what we go through, to take all the crap daily; pain, rejection, jealousy, fear, sickness, hunger, need, want, temptation, etc. The only difference was He didn't forget God was in control, in fact He surrendered to His control totally, even to the point that He let men who were afraid of His power, put Him to death, not knowing that He did it willingly to restore them to the position they had in the Garden before Adam ate from that damn tree! He wants to forgive us for our foolishness in looking at life through the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, and get back to looking at everything and everyone He made and say like He did, "It's good!", and of the people he made, He said they were, "very good!" Sadly not everyone looks at themselves as good, because they have been told too much or too long they are not, so they begin to act out what they've been told and think is expected of them. I hope we can change that, God so wants us to. It's time to LOVE each other, to be restorers of the breach. That term is for people who have had a breach with a friend, their family, God or even themselves. Something has been broken that needs to be repaired. Only LOVE can do that.

I want to finish this year with LOVE. I want to be restored to the woman I LOVE and my family. I also want to help others be restored that feel broken within themselves or with someone they love. I've learned so much in my journey these last few years, and have decided to chop down that tree, and only eat from the Tree of Life and speak Life and LOVE. LOVE ALWAYS WINS!!!

Just wanted to share what I wrote today in my new devotional. I gave it the name Good Morning Sunshine, because that is what is said every morning to my now 13 year old daughter when she is awakened for school. I love her and miss her very much.

Good Morning Sunshine! There is something incredible about Winter. Things appear to die, leaves fall, flowers wither, grass dries up and it can seem hopeless. Some things need to die, in order for them to come back stronger. Kind of like a tree that endures another hard winter, and adds another ring of life to strengthen its trunk, only to bud fresh with new leaves when the first warm air courses through its roots and branches. I remember a house we lived in briefly when I was a child. There was a blaze rose bush in the back yard. It had not been well cared for and whoever thought of wiring it up, perhaps to keep it from getting in the way of the garage door nearly killed it. It looked horrible and I didn’t know if I could salvage it. My great-grandpa had taught me a little about roses, so I cut the wire off and pruned it sharply and prayed. In a short time I began to see new blooms, it began to grow and fill back out. This rose that had been so unloved, now began to thrive. As long as we lived there the bush bloomed beautifully even into the early winter months. Same old bush, new life. If there is life or beauty in anything, it can be revived with a little love and TLC. Try it on someone not just something this season and see what happens.

Love is amazing and it's scary as hell. Especially when you're so linked to someone you can almost breathe in sync with them. To be separated from someone that you're that connected with is even scarier still. You know you have stuff to do, but when they are so much of your inspiration, even getting out of bed in the morning becomes a challenge. Some people think love is a choice, I beg to differ. I think not to love is a choice, but loving really comes naturally if are supposed to be with a person or group of people. It may seem odd to some, but let me explain. I guess I can compare it to the sense of feeling like you're supposed to be somewhere or go somewhere or call someone. It's in you to do it and nags at you, love can be like that. This deep connection is somewhat like another quote I heard once; "Let there be such oneness between you that when one cries the other will taste salt". Well let's just say there should be quite a few salty days going on right now. I have great faith in miracles. I've seen some amazing things in my life; I'm a miracle, really many times over, kind of like a cat with 9 lives. The miracle I'm believing for is not just for me even though I guess I will get the most personal benefit from it, but I want to have something to offer my love and the world.

I can only tell you if you ever get it that God loves you no matter what, and does not care who you love, just that you love, and if you ever really fall madly in love with the person you know you were created for to make a difference in this crazy world, you will get where I'm coming from, and not let go until you get your miracle too. Christmas is for miracles right? I got one Christmas miracle and didn't see it for what it was, now I'm praying for it to come to me again, never let go of your gifts, and never forget to tell them everyday that they are one.

I read this quote and thought it was noteworthy: "Real Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting they won't."