I have decided today I want a second childhood; not the part of it that was hard, the gay kid, the new kid, the red haired, freckle faced kid, the chubby kid, but the dreamer, the one that forgave easy and loved hard. I'm still in here, there are just walls that most people don't see or bother to.

I don't want to be like any of the patriarchs or disciples. Like King Saul, who was so concerned about public opinion that he compromised, and lied, and disobeyed, then tried several times to kill God's anointed, David out of jealousy.

Like Thomas who ate, lived and walked with Christ for 3 1/2 of His earth-life hearing His promises to destroy the temple (of His body) and rebuild it in three days, seeing His humanity and divinity. Handling those loaves and fishes as they were handed out and literally witnessing them being multiplied before His eyes. Blind eyes opened, lame healed, people freed from torment, Lazarus raised, the Widow of Nain's son raised, Jarius' daughter raised, and yet when Christ Himself appears to the disciples after His Resurrection, albeit in a glorified body, Thomas questions. He must touch the nail pierced hands. He must put his hand in the side that was pierced with a sword.

Perhaps I don't give him enough credit, you don't just want to bow down and worship anyone in that environment, it could get you killed. I think I would have been more like Mary, who seeing Him in the garden just after he stepped from the tomb, when she knew it was Him wanted to cling to His feet.

I don't want to be like Paul, even though he started many of the early churches and wrote most of the New Testament. He was a man that  was very tied to his tradition, very tied to the teachings of Moses, even though clearly many truths were revealed to him by the Holy Spirit as he penned those books. His own training many times questioned his revelation. The conflict between the two was evident.

I want to be that gay kid, the new, awkward kid, the more grey with strands of strawberry blonde haired, freckled, still a little thick in the middle kid. The kid with the PF Flyers, that could run faster and jump higher. The dreamer, who forgives easy and loves hard, whose not afraid to trust and believe that God can use me now.

I've been in ministry for nearly 40 years. Taught Children's Church for about 15 years. Taught Summer Adventures (VBS) at Project Communities in Hammond and Gary, Indiana for 5 years. Taught Senior Citizen Bible Studies for about 10 years. Sang solos and with a choir for about 35. Worked with and ministered to Women's Ministries in churches and with Aglow International for about 17 years. Fed needy families for about 7 years in the Chicago suburbs and now over 6 years in the Atlanta suburbs.

I'm a writer, a poet, a teacher, a prophet (not saying that to blow myself up), just part of my gift passed on by God and my mother. But I've been so silent for a few years, what did Jeremiah say? "His Word was in me like a burning fire, shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not stay".

I am alive for this purpose. I must write, I must speak, I must love!