I was once accused of treating someone I dearly, totally love with ever fiber of my being like she was a dirty little secret. Might I say, I don't think to anyone who knows me at all that she is secret. Yes, damn it, I mean Natalie!
When we separated, so much had happened, life had kicked our ass, funerals, finances, jobs, stuff, well at least it kicked mine. I didn't handle all the change and loss well, I didn't communicate well and it gave an opportunity for someone else to come in. Since then I have existed; lost 40+ lbs and been in the hospital for 3 days due to stress, lost at least one job I'm sure of because we were a couple. I think there was another earlier on, though I can't prove it, but that was no secret either. I thoroughly acknowledge my failure and weakness as a human being, but as for loving forever this one woman, I will not apologize. Yes, damn it, I mean Natalie!
My grandmother passed the year we got together at the age of 91. My grandfather passed 49 years earlier from a heart attack. She dated, but never married again, never loved again enough to give her heart as at the first, I feel the same. I know some people think I'm crazy, but frankly my dear Scarlet, I don't give a damn, they don't know her, what I feel , and can't stop feeling for her and the kids. We're family, she's home for me, that's all I know.
The human failings I can't undo. I wish life and love and family came with a learning curve, especially at 50 for my first true "outing", I needed one. I had only come out to my Bishop privately a year prior. When she and I met and got together, everyone was happy but somewhat surprised, but happy for me, for us. She is beautiful, talented, we share many things in common interests; we seemed the perfect couple... I think we were. Once the dust settled I hoped she'd be there. Well, as stories have it, I don't think this one is over yet and I pray for the happily ever after with her. Yes, damn it, I mean Natalie!
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